I was browsing my old posts and I stumbled upon my first volume of Dear Blog link-up. I stifled a laugh kasi it felt damn funny and ironic. I was back to the same state I was in before but everything seemed so far different now. Even how I felt then is different compared to how I feel now. So many things have changed in just a few months. Bilis talaga ng panahon.
What’s ironic though is although so much has changed, my thoughts and feelings and frights and dreams haven’t. I’m still an emotional mess.
Let me discuss this in detail:
First of all, I didn’t continue with the job I mentioned in the previous link-up. I left it as soon as I got the chance to for numerous reasons. One: it was a very unstable workplace and I experienced a salary dispute; two: my knees were killing me ’cause of the long walkathons I had to do everyday just to get to the office; third: I was alone literally -okay, maybe I wasn’t alone for my manager was there with me. But considering that we were a recruitment firm and I was the only sourcing specialist they have (yes, dalawa lang kami sa office), that is pretty astounding ‘di ba? Imagine. I’m manning the ship alone. Fuck.
So after I upped and left, I was yet again reduced to being a tambay, which is both a relief and a curse to me. Once again I was plagued with anxious thoughts about where my life was heading (I still have them even now) but then, I enjoyed those long months of rest. My knees are recuperating quite good and I was also able to catch up with sleep and my korean dramas.
So what am I doing now with my life?
I. Have. No. Idea.
I had this sudden whim of entering a field that I had zero idea of and it’s so malayo pa from the setting that I should be in. It was good at first but then it started to become very difficult for me. Lagi na lang akong may sakit. It sucks. It really sucks.
But I don’t want to give up. I wanna keep trying kahit na pasuko na ako. I don’t wanna jump out of the ship and into the water without even trying to rescue myself first or fix the very ship. Hanudaw?!
Anyway, hindi ko na naman alam where I’m heading to. My future seems very bleak again and nothing is ever transparent or clear cut for me. What I can only hold on to is God’s promise that He will take care of me. Yun lang. And that’s everything for me, anyway, so fight fight fight lang!
Nga pala. As I write this, I’m waiting for my doctor’s appointment. I went to medical city to get my migraine checked coz I’d been suffering from dizzy spells and pagsusuka for almost a week now. Here’s to hoping this is nothing serious.
Oh, and if you noticed, I changed your look, my dear blog. I finally spent money for you just to tweak you a little bit and give you a permanent home – at least for a year. We’re now staying at wordpress.org instead of wordpress.com. It’s gotta be the best thing I ever did this month although the process was pretty confusing and complicated for me.
Sana sipagin na ako. LOL. Since I changed my lay-out and over-all feel, I’m hoping I’d get to post more and blog more about my views, the things that I like, and the stuff I’ve been using. It’s not like I plan to be a full time lifestyle blogger. I just want an avenue where I can share my feels and rant and rant and rant. Hirap kasi if you can’t vent out. Kumbaga, this is my own means of catharsis.
And I’m also aware that no one is probably reading my posts. Which is more than okay since I’ll be more liberated and free in doing whatever the hell I want to do. No limits, no rules, just pure unadulterated blogging.
Mehehe. So here are the highlights of the day!
1) I got my new specs!
Thank God for metrosunnies, I received my new eye baby yesterday! I was surprised to find out my grade rose from 2.00 to 3.00 in just a span of 5 to 6 months. What the fuck, right?
2) I survived my hate-hate relationship with syringes.
So I had to do a lab test earlier. The nurse extracted blood from me through a fucking syringe which hurt by the way and it’s not the typical “kagat lang ng langgam” pain. It seriously hurt. I can still feel my vein throbbing even now. Heol!
3) Moshi Manju
Yes. I pigged out. Yikes!
Hmm. This is taking too long na noh? Osya. Let me close this post by saying this:
“The presence of God is felt in the absence of everything. Have faith.”